When they say that, all good things come to an end, they mean it. Funny thing is, you don't realise that they're coming to an actual end, till you're staring down the cliff of your demise. Oh, why does the party have to end? Fuck, the holiday was pretty good, wouldn't you say?
Nah, as far as holidays go, I'd rather call this one an Average Joe's wank of a holiday, that's just my opinion. But hey, once you've seen it all everything else doesn't matter, it's just the same shit, different day. So, let's get a cup of coffee and add a little whiskey, vodka and/or scotch depending what time of person you are. Let's just look back and think to ourselves, what were we doing this time last year. Do you remember? If you do, consider yourself lucky...count your fucking blessings, because so many people go about life like fucking zombies and don't remember the good moments, because they didn't make it special (hence my self-loathing). If you don't remember, join my club, anyone with a little bit of memory loss is rendered an alcoholic even if they don't drink...they are just intoxicated by life's bullshit.
Let's say cheers to the people who didn't really follow up on their New Year resolutions. I laugh at them all, coz I may be young, but I gave up on the search for resolution a long time ago my friend, so come join us for some Irish Coffee. Attention alcoholics, drug addicts and anybody else who might be unlucky enough to find themselves in a rehab facility at least once in their lives...don't let the system get you down, we hold our cups high up, just for you guys...and hope that you sort your shit out, coz life's a bitch, it truly is and we all know that, just don't wanna admit it. For those of you planning to lose your virginity anytime soon, sex is overrated, but do it with someone who will not crush your fragile soul. For those of you who are reaching their 40s and 50s and beyond...and feel that your sex life is merely sadning to anyone who like to jerk off to midget porn, remember that it's just like riding a bike when you're 12years old! Just fucking do it!
People, why don't we think positive anymore? Remember when we were just kids and all we could think of before we discovered masturbation and sex was, being an astronaut, saving the world, helping people, being famous, fulfilling our dreams and fucking destiny. Have we lost our thirst for life? Come on!!!! We talk about living and being the best we can be, but if you think to yourself long and fucking hard about who you are right now, can you still improve on your game? Ofcourse you can!
The year just begun...just fucking started and we're already living like a zombies. What happened to that same enthusiasm that surged through our bodies like an orgasm during the birth of Christ, in the beginning of the New Year? What happened to it? We killed it! Now, we must face the consequences...a shitty time complaining about how much we hate school and work, how much we hate someone's shit and all that fucking pussy talk, coz we've lost it.
Remember, we can still regain our balance, our happiness and our thirst for life. I take the last sip of my Irish coffee, I'm drunk and I just wanna pass out...who listens to the drunk man? No one!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
A Little Substance...
“Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring
damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.”
-Charles Bukowski
I've gotten used to waking up to the sound of roaring waves and the sight of European pussy since I stepped foot on this damn island. I've gotten used to the blazing heat and the foreign tongues. I've gotten used to the hotel and the barebacks of tanning milfs, accompanied with the nubile's nipple slip and the chest hair born on men. It's a magnificent sight to feast your eyes upon, however, a place like this doesn't give me the holiday boner that most people (usually between the young ages of: 28 - 70) have the pleasure of receiving. Alas, I am only limited to a handjob (which has become much of a lost art) and everyone else gets to be blown by this place.
I guess I have a low tolerance level for tranquility, harmony and peace. Wait, lemme rather say, I have another idea on what peace, harmony and tranquility really is. Peace...besides the odd fellatio, a cigarette in hand, please. Harmony...see that bottle of vodka on the table? Yeah, that one...that's my harmonizer. Tranquility...a mixture of all, in a busy street somewhere...or at a beach party (Hey, just coz I mentioned fellatio, doesn't mean I don't return the favour with my cunnilingual skills).
Oh, I wish I could find pleasure in the simple things...but too many people focus on the simple things, they miss the big picture. What's the big picture? Some serious wood, a little substance, a middle finger, a place called Earth and your opposite sex...and then you bang the one who cleans up after your mess.
-Charles Bukowski
I've gotten used to waking up to the sound of roaring waves and the sight of European pussy since I stepped foot on this damn island. I've gotten used to the blazing heat and the foreign tongues. I've gotten used to the hotel and the barebacks of tanning milfs, accompanied with the nubile's nipple slip and the chest hair born on men. It's a magnificent sight to feast your eyes upon, however, a place like this doesn't give me the holiday boner that most people (usually between the young ages of: 28 - 70) have the pleasure of receiving. Alas, I am only limited to a handjob (which has become much of a lost art) and everyone else gets to be blown by this place.
I guess I have a low tolerance level for tranquility, harmony and peace. Wait, lemme rather say, I have another idea on what peace, harmony and tranquility really is. Peace...besides the odd fellatio, a cigarette in hand, please. Harmony...see that bottle of vodka on the table? Yeah, that one...that's my harmonizer. Tranquility...a mixture of all, in a busy street somewhere...or at a beach party (Hey, just coz I mentioned fellatio, doesn't mean I don't return the favour with my cunnilingual skills).
Oh, I wish I could find pleasure in the simple things...but too many people focus on the simple things, they miss the big picture. What's the big picture? Some serious wood, a little substance, a middle finger, a place called Earth and your opposite sex...and then you bang the one who cleans up after your mess.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
How The World Will Come To An End...
"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
-H.L. Mencken
Some wise crack said, that the world on December 21st (correct me if I'm wrong) would bring a cumshot of natural disasters and would be the end of the world, as we know it (cue dramatic background music). Now, I'm not gonna go into this, coz it would turn our heads upside down, but geez, shit does give me the creeps now that I think about it. However, now that a Mayan and a man called Nostradomus has got our invaluable attention, would now be the time to live like there is no tomorrow? So how do you live like there's no tomorrow?
Don't ask me such questions, I'm not a fucking therapist/shrink/psychologist or whatever they call them these days. That's up to you. I'm simply the clueless pornstar asking you all the questions. Why don't you rob a bank? Risky, yes, but always remember that the take is yours (unless you made some deal with the Mafia, that requires some heavy oral). Spray paint The Great Wall Of China? Okay, you may think that I'm way over my head, but no, it's a simple suggestion (even though they'll probably torture you in ways unimaginable <---that's a warning to you, Mr Banksy). Hijack a cop car? Balls of steel and my admiration to the bitch who pulls this off and gets away, of course).
Let's just say, doing these things is asking for a chance to get anally raped in some remote prison, somewhat similar to Robben Island. So let's lower the stakes for all the pussies. Ask that girl you had a crush on since 7th grade? Don't ask how, coz that's up to you (who do I look like, Dr Phil?). Take a trip to an island, preferably Zanzibar? Sounds expensive, but not really, it's worth the trip (WARNING: If you don't have someone to bang, don't go there till you find one). Play some strip poker! Lascivious? Yes, but in a game of no regrets, what's there to lose than your clothes?
It all comes down to giving the middle finger to the world, raping mother nature and fucking karma like the bitch she is...
-H.L. Mencken
Some wise crack said, that the world on December 21st (correct me if I'm wrong) would bring a cumshot of natural disasters and would be the end of the world, as we know it (cue dramatic background music). Now, I'm not gonna go into this, coz it would turn our heads upside down, but geez, shit does give me the creeps now that I think about it. However, now that a Mayan and a man called Nostradomus has got our invaluable attention, would now be the time to live like there is no tomorrow? So how do you live like there's no tomorrow?
Don't ask me such questions, I'm not a fucking therapist/shrink/psychologist or whatever they call them these days. That's up to you. I'm simply the clueless pornstar asking you all the questions. Why don't you rob a bank? Risky, yes, but always remember that the take is yours (unless you made some deal with the Mafia, that requires some heavy oral). Spray paint The Great Wall Of China? Okay, you may think that I'm way over my head, but no, it's a simple suggestion (even though they'll probably torture you in ways unimaginable <---that's a warning to you, Mr Banksy). Hijack a cop car? Balls of steel and my admiration to the bitch who pulls this off and gets away, of course).
Let's just say, doing these things is asking for a chance to get anally raped in some remote prison, somewhat similar to Robben Island. So let's lower the stakes for all the pussies. Ask that girl you had a crush on since 7th grade? Don't ask how, coz that's up to you (who do I look like, Dr Phil?). Take a trip to an island, preferably Zanzibar? Sounds expensive, but not really, it's worth the trip (WARNING: If you don't have someone to bang, don't go there till you find one). Play some strip poker! Lascivious? Yes, but in a game of no regrets, what's there to lose than your clothes?
It all comes down to giving the middle finger to the world, raping mother nature and fucking karma like the bitch she is...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)